There is something so beautiful about the unexpectedness of life. It’s unpredictable and mysterious. There are days when things happen you had no idea were possible of happening. And I appreciate that today, but a lot of days I don’t. Sometimes I almost convince myself that I know what is going to happen and then, I begin to think that things will happen as I have planned. Which is pretty comical when I look back on the past couple of months of my life. I wanted to do “this” but ended up doing “that” and I planned on doing things one way, and now I find myself marching forward in a direction I was headed opposite to a couple of months ago. And in the meantime before I get where I’m going there’s this transition time which is both sad and exciting because you’re saying goodbye to the way life was and welcoming in this newness that brings with it unfamiliarity. The more I think of it though it almost feels like life is one transition after another. Then you start going one direction and look back at how you were headed the completely opposite direction and the thought crosses your mind “either I was completely turned around before or I am now”. And then some wise friend comes around and tells you that its about the person you’re becoming the relationships you invest in and important things like that, that you completely relate with and bring a bit of peace to the situation.
Anyways tomorrow I embark on a new adventure, a new life marked with the residue of years past. It’s not a fresh start, it’s just the beginning of a season. I feel excited and nervous, but at this moment right now as I sit in my quiet house with my family all asleep, I am sad. I know it is a good thing and people keep telling me “o you won’t be far” and “it will be great”, but the truth of the matter is that it will be very different. I don’t want to say goodbye to the way relationships are now, but I know they will change. I don’t want to say goodbye to being close to my family and hanging with them everyday. I don’t want to say goodbye to home cooked meals, watching animal planet (and ungodly amount of time in a day). But I guess it is all necessary to walk into a new season. I guess that’s fine. There is nothing deep about what I’m saying just the truth about what this heart feels like being torn between two seasons of life.
So I embrace all that is in my life right now, I embrace it with all of my heart and strength with tears and kisses I let go to welcome with open arms the freshness that the fall brings. A time to love deep, run hard, live fully, worship passionately, and throw myself into it as much as i have here.
