Resurrection

{ July 28, 2009 @ 8:20 pm } · { Breaking Free, Life, Moving Forward, Ramblings, Spirtual, depth }
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Summer is winding down, and the best thing for me this summer was coming to the realization that God is all about resurrection. 

Let me elaborate. 

When anything goes wrong according to our plans or whatever you want to call it, the same phrase is always said, “well maybe some good can come of it”.  I loathed this statement for so long, I mean really hated it.  I had heard it during a time when I decided that the world was out of control and I questioned whether this omniscient God I had learned about on a flannel board, knew what he was doing when he breathed life into dust, or left noah to reinhabit the earth. 

I was completely bitter that: my friend died, that my grammy dealt with chronic pain all her life, that the gap between wealth and poverty grows still, that there is so much injustice in the world, that my addictions and struggles consistently haunted me, that we seem to hurt people out of our own insecurity, that divorce plagues so many families.  Am i missing anything?  The list is long and painful.
When you break it down my frustration was with the brokenness of the human condition, it seemed to me that since the fall of man, this cycle of sin had taken over pushing us further from God who is life, and so in that slowly dieing. 

I began to question why I even believed in God, why Jesus’ life was so revolutionary.  Why had people who experienced the same thoughts and fears found hope in this man.  I had no peace, I mean I was having a hard time sleeping.  This was a big problem I withdrew from people. 

Finally after months of this, I found peace in resurrection.
It seemed so simple i even felt ignorant for having overlooked something that was central to the faith i claimed to have.  Maybe I hadn’t overlooked it as much as I had neglected to allow the resurrection to penetrate every aspect of my life.  I had neglected this part of the story labeling it irrelevant to me…. I mean i haven’t died…

So there i was just sitting there experiencing the life of Jesus seeing it unfold and the power of resurection hit me like a train.  I mean this is it this is why there is hope, God can turn death into life.  I was so mad that someone i loved died unexpectedly but God raises the dead.  The dieing world will be raised to life one day. 

I have no reason to be bitter because God loves so well he can change even the most terminal conditions into good.  And i know he can because he did with Jesus and does all the time in ways maybe we can’t even see.
You see the truth is i was at a point where I wasn’t sure I could have faith in God anymore, and well a God that is all about resurrection, I can have faith in him.  I can love him, and I can serve him.  A God that will raise me from the dead I can have faith in that.

And the results of that are peace.  And on the coatails of peace comes hope. 

Change.

{ June 8, 2009 @ 6:58 pm } · { Life }
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I’ve been cooking a lot of steak, and arranging fruit like flowers.  I like it a lot. Apartment life is going well!  hanging out with friends having people over for dinner, and taking care of a cat are all things i do daily.  I’ll be nannying this week, and playinga at a church on sundays.  Which are both things I love so much.

PICT0292

Best investment of the month was a plastic baseball bat and a plastic ball! $3.64..hours of entertainment…priceless

I have been thinking about my life a lot, and do you ever have those days where you are just mozying along and then you start thinking and ask yourself the question, “who have I become?”.  It’s really a terrifying question, I mean I guess it doesn’t really have to be but implies that we change.  And change when unexpected can totally throw me off guard.
So change comes into my life, through experiences around me, and then I change as a reaction to it.
And this is the cycle

Honestly I’m not very good at reacting to it, I’ve learned to love being comfortable and most Americans do.  Through this I’ve become a person that tolerates everything for myself, and doesn’t really have expectations.  I find myself here in a place where I desperately need change, the very thing that plunged me on a downward spiral, I need to get out.  I can’t fear change, because it is choice that makes me who I am it is reaction that determines the kind of person I am.
I have a church phobia, but I went and played at a church on Sunday, and the preacher talked about being hopeful, and how being hopeless is the most accurate determiner of death. Even more then heart problems, or high cholesterol.

I started thinking about Hope, and what that looks like in my life.  And I don’t know for sure but I came up with it looking like gratefulness for my life, energy that’s contagious, doing what I love, being active, laughing a lot.  I have hope because I’m alive, and I have hope because as much damage has been done, God is all about restoration, and we are never too far gone for him to put us back together.

So regardless of what event or change in our normal day to day, that changed us, that we reacted too badly, the reality is that change isn’t something to fear.
It’s the very thing that brings us hope.
The reason we have hope.
That one day we will emerge from all that binds us, and the carnality that blurs our thoughts.  And all the things that were so distracting will point us to truth.
Anyways that is some stuff i’ve been learning I want to be a better person, and more hopeful person, I want to have a better relationship with God.  And finally after making decisions based on what I thought everyone else wanted for me or thought was best, this decision I’m making because I really believe its truth, and because I want it!

So here’s to my journey of faith, learning to love God and get over my mess ups.  Learning to hope, and believe and have a life that reflects it. Searching out new venues to connect with God.  Seeing the bigger picture and living for more then just myself, but for a purpose that’s been around forever.  I like the thought of joining into something ancient, but always new. INCREDIBLE!!!!

Here’s To CHANGE!!!! and my crazy ramblings!

peace love,

Eden

Another Day at the Apt.

{ May 18, 2009 @ 4:11 pm } · { Life, Random Ramblings, summer }
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I just realized a few days ago that I’ve been spelling apartment wrong.  Which is strange because I live in one now.
I’m watching The Land Before Time, it is one of my favorite movies the group of kids including Littlefoot the Apatosaurus, Cera the triceratops(no doubt a representation of caucasion land owners) Ducky the Parasaurolophus Petry the Pteronodon ans spike the Stegasaurus are about the kill sharptooth  the T-rex. woo! hoo!
This is intense.
Petry just flew!
Sharp tooth is DEAD!!!!!
I must admit though, I cry every time I watch this movie.  I mean when Little foot is walking around crying “mother, mother, where are you”  how can you just sit there.

Well half of my entry just got deleted because my o so very playful cat loves chasing my fingers on the keyboard. thanks

Let me just tell you what i do most days, I sit at home and watch movies a lot, and clean, and read, and drink coffee, heck what i’m getting at is that I’m unemployed.
It sucks, I interviewed for a job and called the next week only to hear the dreaded words when looking for a job, “I have already made some other hires”…is that the nice way of saying we found someone more eligible for this job, I don’t know but either way i was sad.  I would like to say that I’m really tough and don’t take things like that personally or feel like I’m a failure, or didn’t quite measure up…but that’s exactly how I felt.  Dang it my secret is out, I get terrified when looking for jobs.
Somehow somewhere along the way in my life i decided that I wanted to never do bad at anything, and be the best at everything.  Well that has been proven to be ridiculous, which is good it’s just that i still hold myself to that standard.  Whether its in soccer, school, music, or where I’m at now which is job hunting.  The good thing is I have awesome friends who really encourage me to be strong, to keep looking, and give me some tough love sometimes that says “quit taking things so personally, and just keep looking “  so I applied to another place today, and it looks like Mcdonalds is hiring, so I feel like I’ll probably end up working there flipping burger patties and smelling like greese at the end of the day.  And you know what, I’m totally ok with that.  Maybe it will make me never want to eat there again.

In the more permanent realm of careers, I’ve finally decided on nursing.  I’ve been contacting the head of the nursing department and we’ve been working things out to where hopefully I can get in the program this fall so I won’t have to go to school for 5 years.  This will require that I take two online courses.  So my search for online courses began, and I think I searched like 5 hours a day for the past week, and finally stumbled upon a school in New Jersey that is offering the classes I need online which would rock.  This is wonderful so pray that it all works out.

P.S. our kitten is now asleep curled up next to my leg! so cute i retract all angry thoughts i had towards him earlier for deleting half my post.

On my run today I set out on my normal course when I rounded the corner and BAM!!!! (expletive deleted) There was a big snake right where my next step would have been.  I lept (which probably didn’t look anything like a graceful leap probably more like a terrified bear scurrying backwards awkwardly) back in horror, while my heart jumped to the back of my throat (and again expletive deleted, give me a break it was scary).  There I stood 1 foot away from the gray furless, legless, devil.  We were the only ones on the street, I could see the tumble weed roll in my peripheral vision, the guitar picking went to a minor key.  We were ready for a draw his fangs vs. my…uhm….my day dream was about to climax when i snapped back into reality, “I have to go get my friends”  I said to myself with a lingering country twang, no doubt a result of my twisted imagination.
I sprinted back to 1828 apt. C and ran inside yelling “there’s a snake on the road”, and my roommates came a’runnin.  One in her Pj’s the other in the process of waxing, with some yello goop under her eyebrows, and the other eating.  We walked down the street like we were a commissioned special force of Army rangers, boldly going into enemy territory.  Of course I didn’t tell them this was what I was thinking.  We got to the place where the snake was and he was gone.  Pretty anti-climactic, I know.  Finally we spotted him in a nearby yard only to see him slither away to torment some other poor soul.

I continued on my run.

Jenna and I went to Indiana to visit her mom and family there last week.  We rented a car drove up to Marion, stopping at  a huge candy factory, where we bought nothing but I tried cotton candy salt water taffy kind of dissapointing despite the bright colors.  We walked over to a warehouse looking indoor flee market, and found a ton of cool things, that we didn’t buy.
I realized how much i love old looking buildings as we drove through St. Louis.  There are so many abandoned buildings, made of old red brick decorated with graffiti and small factory windows, that have been broken out over the years.  It made for beautiful scenery.

On our way back we stopped at the St. Louis Zoo.  It is stinking awesome!  We walked in the gates and stood in awe looking at the map…and we stood…and we stood… completely overwhelmed as to where we should go first, until finally a guy came up and told us they were about to move an alligator so we naturally went there first.  We stood watching as an old hippie looking man with white hair poked a huge about 10ft. long alligator with a bamboo stick..Rustic…  The Alligator was in a little pool of water that they needed to clean.  This outdoor exhibit was big but the man in there was not far from that beast.  He poked and prodded like a dentist checking a tooth for a cavity, it whipped its tail and flailed around until finally the huge thing moved and they started cleaning.  I was greatly entertained.  Generally the moment i step into Zoo’s I metamorphose into the 2nd grade version of myself, and generally alligators look like big bumpy logs that don’t move.  I think the contribution of these two things attributed greatly to my entertainment throughout my day at the zoo.

Next we saw a sign for a sea lion show.  So we bought tickets and went in.  I wasn’t expecting it to be super awesome, BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!  It was SO cool.   There were three Sea Lions, two normal females, and a massive male.  They did all sorts of tricks the younger girl Rosie, was super energetic and so cute.  She was like the sea lion version of the hyper kid that is sweet but just can’t sit still.  Elaine was the older girl, she loved getting attention, but more then that she loved getting fish, and the special treat, squid.  Now for the big guy, his name was Alex, and boy was he huge.  He would sit up on his rock and wave his head from side to side like he was Stevie Wonder playing “Signed Sealed Delivered” (and trust me he could belt it out).  He brought me clarity as to why they call them sea lions because he could roar so loud, and he liked to do it.

Well after the show we saw one year old tigers chasing each other around and playing in the water, that was pretty awesome again, I’ve never seen tigers that active.  They were so CUTE!
I thought the majority of the excitement was over when we happened upon the giraffe exhibit.  I had felt like a kid up until this point when I noticed a large male standing right behind a female, and you guessed it, preparing to hump!!!!  Now I was a college kid again and totally wanted to see giraffes get it on.  I guess mostly to say that I saw it…haha so we waited and as you can guess this was the most packed exhibit, and every time he would almost mount, the crowd would gasp, she would move, the crowd would let out a sigh…and repeat.  This happened quite a few times.  and yes we stayed for many of them, until finally we decided to move on.
We passed a dad and could have sworn we heard him say to his kids that looked elementary aged, “did you get your weed?”  now what could
THAt /mean…we don’t know.  We walked in circles and kept “accidentally” passing the giraffes.  We went and saw the bears and monkeys, and looked for the hippos, no Sign of them.

We walked up to the hyena exhibit and this beautiful African American kid walked up and stood next to us and was all like “look shanrika iz a leopard das huge you gon wake it up”

we laughed.

Then we went to the elephant exhibit but it was empty, I was sad.

Well there’s a look into my life for the past couple of days.

My room+empty apartment+electric guitar+amp+piano+acoustic guitar= hours of entertainment..
I gotta go the music is calling me!

Peace

piano

this is the grand steinway at my school the greatest piano i’ve ever played, my addiction!

On My Own

{ May 15, 2009 @ 12:20 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I am on my own, living in an apartment with three friends and loving it.
We stayed up until 1 last night playing phase 10, and Friends episodes have been playing non-stop since we moved in. I think we are on season 2 now.  Our first trip to Wal-mart involved getting a trash can, some Ramen, trash bags, a red dish dryer, paper towels milk and cereal…basically the bare essentials. (plus guacamole, and puppy chow but those kind of qualify as essential for us)

Stephanie and Brittney live in one room and Jenna and I live in the other, with Raissa usually staying on the couch haha.  We enjoy making our traditions like always having sweet tea in the fridge.  And making trips to walmart late at night to get stuff to make queso.

I love living in the community that I have.  It is fun just walking over to my neighbors house to hang out with them, and play apples to apples.  Also we have a baby kitten he is so cute and his name is Stucco..

PICT0271

My days are pretty relaxed I work at an ice cream shop, but I’m still looking for a more reliable job.

I’m so blessed to have such awesome friends that I have so much fun with.  We don’t get tired of each other and have so much fun.  First thing we did when we moved in was have a big pillow fight with the cough cushions.  We got them and ran and jumped into each other…needless to say Brittney flew into the wall, we were all on the floor laughing and so began our adventure.  lol

Well i’m going to go now I am in Indiana with Jenna visiting her family having a blast.  well peace out for now, and you’re now updated on my life.

brit and stephThis is steph and brit!!!!  Love them!

Little Things

{ April 16, 2009 @ 7:10 am } · { Breaking Free, Uncategorized }
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My first year of college is almost over and I’m realizing many things.
One, I need structure.  Two, I need a challenge.  Three, I like being around people and love leading worship.
Most of all though, I have realized the joy that comes from the little things.

Coffee at a local shop made from good beans, and friendly faces.
Bike rides with friends, and stopping to look at flowers or snakes.
Mud fights with friends, and i mean absolutely getting covered in mud!

Digging holes in mexico.
Drinking Coffee to survive because of lack of sleep
Dryer sheets
Finding your favorite pen to write with.
Getting letters in the mail.
Friends coming to visit.
Getting an A on a paper you spent a lot of time on.
Wireless Internet.
The smell of Rain, but it holds off until after my classes so I don’t have to walk in it!!!!
Going to a school where personal expression is valued.
Concerts, and discovering new music every day.
Making life long friends by simply starting conversations.
Watching Disney movie marathons.
Realizing all that has been done for me.
One o’clock grill.
Finally working up the courage to play my guitar and sing so loud in my room!!
Trips to South Dakota.

Playing the Steinway at my school and rediscovering my love for piano.
Writing music.
Trying new things and discovering they are not for me.
Collegiate soccer and the excitement of improvement.

Rediscovering a lost love, and fighting to get it back.  I found Hope over Christmas break in a living room talking out my confusion with friends, and now my time is spent living within that hope.  Working to breathe in life from a perspective that hopes for the best in everything, and has hope because of sacrifice and love.
I want to love well, because it’s through love that I start to believe again.  All the faith that was eclipsed by anger starts to show on the fringes, because love is living and things can’t help but be rearranged by it.
My life will not look like anyone else ’s, but it is mine and I am responsible for living it not fearing it and what it may bring, or where it may lead.

God is the God of hope, and peace, and relevance,and true justice but most of all love.  And Although the “big questions” can cause so much doubt at the core of who I am my deep belief in these truths of God lead to deep faith in the God that created and represents all of these things.  And it blows my mind, and makes me want to live!

PEACE OUT!

From embracing to letting go

{ August 4, 2008 @ 9:30 pm } · { Life, community }
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There is something so beautiful about the unexpectedness of life. It’s unpredictable and mysterious. There are days when things happen you had no idea were possible of happening. And I appreciate that today, but a lot of days I don’t. Sometimes I almost convince myself that I know what is going to happen and then, I begin to think that things will happen as I have planned. Which is pretty comical when I look back on the past couple of months of my life. I wanted to do “this” but ended up doing “that” and I planned on doing things one way, and now I find myself marching forward in a direction I was headed opposite to a couple of months ago. And in the meantime before I get where I’m going there’s this transition time which is both sad and exciting because you’re saying goodbye to the way life was and welcoming in this newness that brings with it unfamiliarity. The more I think of it though it almost feels like life is one transition after another. Then you start going one direction and look back at how you were headed the completely opposite direction and the thought crosses your mind “either I was completely turned around before or I am now”. And then some wise friend comes around and tells you that its about the person you’re becoming the relationships you invest in and important things like that, that you completely relate with and bring a bit of peace to the situation.

Anyways tomorrow I embark on a new adventure, a new life marked with the residue of years past.  It’s not a fresh start, it’s just the beginning of a season.  I feel excited and nervous, but at this moment right now as I sit in my quiet house with my family all asleep, I am sad.  I know it is a good thing and people keep telling me “o you won’t be far” and “it will be great”, but the truth of the matter is that it will be very different.  I don’t want to say goodbye to the way relationships are now, but I know they will change.  I don’t want to say goodbye to being close to my family and hanging with them everyday.  I don’t want to say goodbye to home cooked meals, watching animal planet (and ungodly amount of time in a day).  But I guess it is all necessary to walk into a new season.  I guess that’s fine.  There is nothing deep about what I’m saying just the truth about what this heart feels like being torn between two seasons of life.

So I embrace all that is in my life right now, I embrace it with all of my heart and strength with tears and kisses I let go to welcome with open arms the freshness that the fall brings.  A time to love deep, run hard, live fully, worship passionately, and throw myself into it as much as i have here.

Storms

{ June 9, 2008 @ 2:18 pm } · { Life }
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I love days like today. When you sleep in too late because the sun isn’t there to wake you up.

It’s not raining, but the blue of the sky is completely blotted out by clouds. All the colors seem to be more vibrant, although you’d think they would be somewhat dull because of a lack of sunlight. The grass and flowers, even the bark of the trees, look more dynamic. Like when you repaint something the same color, and it doesn’t change it just looks different.

Today looks fresh.

I walked outside and smelled the air, and was immediately filled with memories of my childhood when I was a kid stuck inside, anxious to get my hands on the newly formed mud. I anticipated going outside back then, and considered the storm beautiful and frightening, but only an obstacle keeping me from doing what I really loved, which was to play outside. I spent so many days like this outside on grand adventures with the bugs and trees as my only companions, the drainage way in our back yard as a mighty river that we had to cross to get away from the bad guys chasing us. No matter what story I had made up in my head there was always a “bad guy” a great obstacle to overcome and I would always step in as the heroine.

I like days like today.

Days where you wake up and suddenly the “storm” you’d feared so much and seemed so permanent, has passed. During it you were scared. You doubted that you’d make it out ok, but now it is gone and yes it changed many things, but the more you look at it, it’s like the storm soaked everything in a new coat of awe and wonder, a freshness that is enticing.

I don’t necessarily know that I could pinpoint why exactly things go wrong, but there is something about making it through something you didn’t think you would, that changes your perspective. Those storms that keep us from doing what we love are so hard on our hearts, and I’m beginning to think that maybe the best way of looking at it is the same as when you were a kid.

The storm is not permanent, and at some point it will pass and I will be able to go outside and play again.

I don’t necessarily feel like I’m going through anything difficult right now that’s obstructing me from living fully, but in those times when I was, when It just wasn’t safe, i was to frail my heart was to weak to fully participate and engage, I wish I would have seen the storm as temporary. That the times we’re simply stuck inside, will pass and they will become just another chapter in the story of our life, that make us into who we are, but do not define us.

Many of us want great stories, where we are part of the group of hero’s, and we overcome great obstacles cross mighty rivers of fear, conquer the beasts of injustice, reach the peak of discover, end the disease of greed, restore balance ending poverty, cross the valley of racism, bridge the gap formed by religions, and repair whats been so broken.

Sometimes life throws storms at us.

I can’t forget about the story I’m part of when the storm comes, it will pass, and there’s so much still to do.

And then it hits you.

{ June 2, 2008 @ 11:30 pm } · { Moving Forward }
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I have come to realize that somehow life happens and there are times when certain things in life occur and at the time you can’t really comprehend what is going on and then it hits you.
Sometimes it feels like actual pain, your throat swells shut and you’re trying to breathe through a tube you swear has shrunk to the size of a straw, your chest tightens and a knot forms in your throat, you’re face gets hot and you feel the tears working so hard to escape your eyes. You fight it of course, and start swallowing incessantly, breathing deeper, opening your eyes to maximum capacity in an attempt to keep whatever emotion you’re feeling from escaping your body. But eventually you get tired of fighting it and the dam breaks down and rushing out comes you’re reaction. you realize that prior to this you’ve shut down and can’t really feel, anything. You’ve distracted yourself from reality in whatever way you can, all in an attempt to escape. You’ve filled you’re life up with things, work, partying, cleaning…whatever it is there are always things to do…but it always seems to hit you.

What hits you? well it could be anything, you realize you’re not the person you want to be, you don’t know what you believe, your grandmother is dieing, your friend was killed in a car wreck, you’ve been forgotten, you have no plans for the future, you really screwed things up in that relationship….how is it that we make it through these times and don’t really feel much, but then one day when we least expect it something triggers, and all the pain we’ve felt, the guilt, the fear, the hurt comes rushing out of us,leaving us feeling drained and  measuring up far shorter then we’d planned.

I had one of those days today, I was reading a book and in the end a girl dies in a car wreck she has major head trauma and her brain no longer responds to anything and she dies. This reminded me so much of an experience I had last year, when my friend was killed in a car wreck, I felt like i was experiencing the pain and shock for the first time again. I sat in my room wondering if it was because I didn’t live in the moment, if i’m being over emotional, or if its just natural. But how could it just be natural to fall apart? It made me wonder if maybe this happens because all those things I talked about, as humans we were never meant to experience, so when pain comes into our lives stealing from us goodness, we are at a loss for how to react. Maybe humans and pain were never meant to coexist.  Which I guess could leave us feeling hopeless since we obviously do experience pain.
I’ve come to realize in my limited experience that life is a series of actions and reactions. So in that we always have a choice, I guess I take comfort in the fact that no matter what happens I have a choice as to the way i’m going to react, the way i’m going to live, and ultimately the person i’m becoming. There is so much power and life in the fact that no matter what pain we endure we have the choice to forgive, we have the choice to turn around and instead of reacting with bitterness and hate, to react with love and compassion. In this we find the very foundation of hope.  there is something we can do
The stories that change, and inspire us are the ones where the mother forgives the man who killed her son, where the father welcomes home the son thats abandoned him, the man gives his life to save the person he didn’t even know, the child that respects his parents even though they are abusive.
This is the choice we face, the choice that manifests itself in small ways, but ultimately determines the outcome of humanity. That in the midst of the chaos, and carelessness, we have the ability to reverse the cycle of hurt. We possess somewhere in us the power to take all thats happened, all the pain, hurt guilt, hate, bitterness, and fear gather it up and with all the emotion and the reaction it provokes making the decision to use it in the reversal of the damage that has been done. To actually begin to cure the disease that we are a part of. This is the message of Jesus, that his kingdom is opposite of what we find ourselves in, its irrational, don’t repay evil with evil , its a concept so simple, but world changing.

So when it hits me, I want to be a person who takes all the energy and emotion it creates in me, and with that create something beautiful, instead of something equally as damaging as what caused the pain i experienced. This is moving creation forward to me, and bringing God’s kingdom here…thats all, getting late sorry if it’s scattered

Senior Year

{ February 20, 2008 @ 9:01 pm } · { Life }
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Well senior year was/is definitely not what I had expected, but I’m glad it has been different because I have learned so much.  I have made lifelong friends and lost some that I thought would be lifelong, realized the importance of my mom dad and sisters, coffee, books, Barnes and noble, music, and many other things(like electricity, heat, fireplaces, Internet…all due to the ice storm, and going ten days without such things haha) 
School has been very easy academically this year, but I have been more challenged to use my brain as opposed to just memorizing facts. 

Soccer is starting up, well it has been for a couple of months and I took some time off because my back was acting up, and although it is still giving me a lot of trouble I’m playing again which i love and is definitely made more pleasant with the help of painkillers. I am still working at whole foods, but my last day is Saturday, I am quitting to help ease the pain in my back, standing on cement doesn’t really help it all that much. 
This semester is going to be so busy, spring break is coming, and high school retreat, then prom, and then I’ll be in Belize, come back and graduate, and before i know it high school will be over.  It’s a bit of a scary thought, but I’m so ready!  I haven’t decided where I’m going to go to college.  I have thought about what I might want to major in for a long time and was really clueless, but I recently have become very interested in Nursing, I’ve been thinking about all the opportunities it would open up so I’ll be studying that wherever I end up going.  I feel like, at least for now, that God is leading me to help people through Nursing, and I think that will look like me going to another country and working in a hospital in Africa owned by some good friends of my family.  I have come to believe that God is very in tune with the suffering of the world, and wants desperately to fix it, and I want to be even just a small way in which he can do that.  I want to help people, and be very much involved with people I think that relationships are the most important thing, and the key to life, I want to be able to offer people who are sick and feel hopeless, hope, a friend and an ear to at least listen to what they are feeling.  I think sometimes the best medicine we can offer another person is just to sit with them and listen to their stories. 

Things may change, but wherever the winds of time lead me, I want to be helping to bring healing to a world full of people that have seen so much pain.  As for now I pray that God would guide me and open my eyes to the ways in which I can serve right where I am now! 
Well that’s about all for an update on the every-day-ness of life…May God truly be the God who seeks to repair and heal the world, and we be the ones he uses to do that, and as God repairs our hearts, may our family’s and friends, and the world we find ourselves in and very much connected to, be repaired.

things meet an end…

{ February 15, 2008 @ 11:03 pm } · { Breaking Free }
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We use this one word so often, yet it contains in it so much power, 
Good-bye.  It is probably one of the hardest words to say on some days and the easiest on others.  It can be used without any passing thought when you are done having dinner and get up to go, or when you leave work or school, and although it can be said carelessly, there are times when it requires all the strength you can gather to utter this word even just silently to yourself.  In these situations, saying good-bye is coming to the reality that life changes rapidly and out of our control each day. 
We say good-bye when a person dies, when we loose touch with people, when friendships end, when we change jobs.  We say good-bye to struggle when we finally conquer it, when the cancer is finally gone. We say good-bye to the way things used to be, for they are always changing. 
This has become a powerful word to me, because for me to be able to say good-bye, is to forgive, and most of all accept things the way that they have played out.  As much frustration and hurt change can bring, it happens and most of all is happening.  Powerful healing comes about in being able to realize that there is an end to everything and in some cases you encounter that end face to face.  Its like we feel all this pain, but the moment we realize that we can’t travel back in time and change it, is the moment we are able to find peace in moving forward.  There is something so remarkable about the human ability to move forward, even when terrble tragidy occurs.  We somehow are able to draw the conclusion from all of the pain, anger, and loss we feel, that there is more and we push on.  The first step for me has been in saying good-bye, not with clenched teeth swearing as i walk away but as one whose very aware the the time has come for me to move on.  So I move on aligned with what I know is eternal and unchanging, lightening my load by throwing bitterness overboard, and off to wherever the wind takes me.  For from what always seems to look like a permenant end, the very seeds of life grow, easing the pain of the good-bye, by anticipating the hello closely following it. 

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